I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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