You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I intend to get homeless drunk
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
