Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
