I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
