And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Randomize
