Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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