She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
