id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
