hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
