its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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