xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
