I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
