driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
