my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
