If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
