just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
