Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
