pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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