We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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