it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
