Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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