Your mouth is God's brothel.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
