She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
