idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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