I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
