just tell him i said nine months
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
there is glitter all over my balls
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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