Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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