unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
