I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
