I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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