honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
