I hate all girls vehemently.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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