just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
