I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
