found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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