The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
