Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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