He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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