Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
