Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
So many bounce houses so little time
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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