Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
