i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
