I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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