Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
