There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
