Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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