bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
