no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
