Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
