Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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