There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
