mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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