I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
lol hangovers are for mortals.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Randomize
