we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
