dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
