Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
