My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
