maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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