This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
