I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
