oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
